Goodbye Grandma. Rest in peace.

It is a time like this that I wonder if it is any easier to say goodbye when you know it is coming than when it is sudden. There really is no way to gauge that since you either lose someone suddenly or through the natural cycle of life. In either case, it's sad and you do not want to see them go ... but does the sense of relief that the pain is over for them help? For me, death is sad because you miss the person. I do not think of it any more complicatedly than that. IF someone moved across country and I never saw them again, I'd probably feel similarly only to a lesser degree since there is still the potential to see them where here there is not.

In either case, I am very glad for the last year she was alive. Grandma moved up to PA last year after a scary dream she had that told her to move up north (clearly for a good reason). During that time, I got to spend time with her -- more time than I had at any point in my life up to then. She lived in Florida with my Grandfather most of my life so I only saw her when she came to visit with him or when we went to Florida every so often. The last year though I got to go to Taco Bell with her, drive her around to show her the area (though she wound up not needing that information since she moved back down in December about a month before I moved down here as well). She was home and eating dinner with us nightly so we got to talk. I would come home from work and M*A*S*H would be on like clockwork. She watched that show every day I think -- I would joke around saying, "wow, watching M*A*S*H? Shocking!" or something to that degree. It was a good time and I'm glad we had it. She moved down and I moved a month later. I spoke with her on the phone once maybe two months ago, which was nice and a surprise to her. Made her day according to my Mother so that is nice to know as well. She had said she would meet me half way for us to eat lunch together or something though I knew that couldn't happen since she wasn't able to drive for that long anymore (we lived about 10 hours apart though both in Florida ... turns out Florida is huge). About a month ago Grandma needed a live-in hospice pretty suddenly. They said that did not necessarily mean she was going to die in the next six months as hospice no longer is only for the terminally ill. However, in this case it seems it was. Anyway, she realized she could not drive anymore and gave up her car (or was in the process of it). Last week my Mother told me she was getting pretty weak just to let me know. Two days ago my Mother told me that they could not wake her so they brought her to a hospital with actual nurses to help her out. She was semi-comatose at that point so I knew things were not looking good. She had gotten pneumonia when we were up in PA and my Mother thought it was the end but she got much better the next day and wound up living and getting back home in a few days. I took her for blood work and picked her up from the hospital too, which seems like trivial tasks but mean a lot in reflection now. Anyway, she was semi-comatose and my uncle flew down to be with her. She was responding to him but no verbally, just head nods and such. Tonight I got a call from my Father telling me she had passed. My Mother called and left a voice message shortly before then saying that Grandma had passed and was with the Lord. She was pretty upset and hung up right after that one sentence. I was at work so I did not have time to really think about it. I did find out that my Grandmother has a brother as well as a sister yesterday though. They contacted his wife to let them know of her situation -- I had no idea she had a brother, I had only met my Great Aunt.

In any case, I doubt I will be able to go to the funeral considering it will probably be in PA. I do wish I had called her two weeks ago when I was going to. I did not get the chance -- I suppose you never really know this is going to happen but you still regret not making that call or taking that drive or whatever it may be. My Great-Grandmother is still around and I talk to her bi-weekly on the phone usually. She is in better health than my Grandmother was in at any point in the last 5 years or so but with her being 96, I still expect to get a bad phone call one of these days. Bad to think that but I just cherish the time I have now. The doctors told her she could live to be 100 at her current health so I told her I was holding her to it. She laughed.

Speaking of being 96, can you imagine all the things she has seen in her life? Her first fiancee died in World War II -- devastated her. She lived through the Great Depression (and remembers it). She was alive during World War I though she was a child and likely does not remember much about it. Still incredible to think about it all ... that was all just the 10s through 40s. Woodrow Wilson had just taken office when she was born. Teddy Roosevelt was still alive when she was born. Yeah, I know, I'm digging deep but you get the idea. Pretty incredible.

Anyway, I got that off my chest. Have a good night.