Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like you fail at life? I have those days. It is probably because I really don't enjoy teaching most days. I wake up wincing when I hear the phone ring, I accept the assignment feeling that I will probably dread it, I go in, I dread the class I have or the next class, and then I come home. Sounds like a good time, right? Exactly. I hate the stress involved. I don't even know why I feel that way. I went to college for it ... I should be prepared for the difficulty that lies ahead. However, I am not. I don't feel able to handle a classroom setting. I don't feel willing to up with the crap a substitute has to deal with if they don't know how to properly take over a classroom. I just feel like I'm made of fail some days because I think I should be able to do it but I can't.

I keep telling myself that I will call the lady to get put back on the sub list. I keep telling myself I'll do it "tomorrow" and then that day comes and goes and nothing. A sign? Maybe. But ... if I am not to teach, what else shall I do? I went to college to teach. I went to four years of college to be more specific. Here I am now out of college and with no "real" job. I manage a movie theatre, which I suppose can become a career but I can't help but feel that everyone will be disappointed in me if that is what I wind up doing. I can move up the scale obviously -- I am not stuck in one position so there is room for upward mobility. That is not the issue. What is the issue is that I feel as if I will have let someone down. As if I should be doing something else but don't really know what that something is. I can keep trying the teaching thing out to see if I can start liking it but at what point do I say, "ok, I cannot do this." When does that happen?

It's frustrating really. I went to college for something. I was pretty sure that it was something I would enjoy doing. What I apparently didn't recall is how much students can actually be a problem. If they don't like you or if they feel you don't have control, they can make life for that day a living hell. Unfortunately for me, it's pretty obvious that I don't really know how to manage a classroom properly. I'm not a large fellow. I don't have a booming voice. I have no real means of taking control that I am aware of. I tried different ideas that people have laid out but nothing seems to work for me. It frustrates me because I feel like I should be able to handle it but I cannot.

All I can do is either continue doing it and hope that each day will be better than the prior or I can move on and do something different. What to do ...