I am so stressed out 24/7. I wish I could calm my brain down and just think logically about everything but no - I get all "AHH" and usually for no reason.

I love Tracy. My brain likes to make me think she is mad at me just because she does not respond to a text message within 5 minutes of me sending it. Maybe she is but maybe she is just busy. The point is, I need to stop being ridiculous without reason.

I hadn't blogged in awhile and the mood suddenly struck me that I should do this so I am. This move is extremely trying on my emotions, Tracy's emotions, and our relationship. I am glad the "moving" portion is over with ... now I just need the expense check so I don't have to worry about the money portion of it. I want to be able to focus on what is important in life again (Tracy) while right now I just freak out too easily and think I did something wrong (see above) or something. Just talking to her eases the pain for the moment but sometimes she isn't available (like tonight) and I go into "oh no" mode.

I have been playing Star Trek Online -- good game so far. They are having some server problems, which are a pain. It is helping to keep my mind off of the distance though. My friend Chris and I will be playing so that will be cool.

Work is interesting. I won't go into too many details since this blog is not secure (like, for instance, my secret fan finding this ;) ). There are a few problems and another problem that potentially is compounding the other problems. It's going to be a fun 3 to 4 months. My boss seemed shocked by my vacation request but said it shouldn't be a problem. I really hope he is right because if I can't visit Tracy I'm going to ... probably visit her anyway and then not have a job. I'm sure it won't come to that.

I wish I was good at poetry or something. I would really like to write how I'm feeling into some artistic expression but instead I just ramble on in a blog. Maybe I'll give it a shot anyway ...

My love for you tugs at my heart strings
My passion for you makes me want to sing
I miss you more than you know
I really wish I did not have to go
Sooner or later I hope my job will bring
An opportunity to give you a ring

Presumptuous? Maybe. I know she is nervous about the whole idea and our relationship is still new compared to many people who decide to take that next step. Either way she really needs to focus on college right now and I hope I did not distract her with the notion of something more permanent. I feel very strongly for her (and somehow managed to take all the passion out of it with this sentence).

I should really go to sleep ... I just wish I could talk to her for a little. I guess not tonight.

Have a good night all.