The next few years of my life are looking to be interesting in a positive way. In a little over a year I get to do that thing that I have been waiting to do since I knew what I was doing. Graduating college. I'll be out and ready for the real world. Is that nuts or what? It seems like only yesterday that I began meeting the friends I have today. Chris K. in 6th grade; Brad, Jared, and Jason in 7th. Now hear I am ... I'm 21 and, like I said, I'm nearing the end of my undergraduate school career. It's really just incredible.

So what are my plans after I graduate? Well, much to my parents' dismay, I intend on moving out. Where? I really have no idea. My current plan is to buy a house and to have 2 roommates to help pay for it ... I'd own it, they'd pay rent to me. Other plans include getting a "real" job ... in my career of choice -- teaching. One fear I have is that I won't be very good at teaching, won't be able to prepare properly, or will just suck at student teaching and fail.

That brings up another point, I have had a lot of stress these past 4 years. I have never failed a class in my life yet I still fear doing so. I think my problem is I don't want to just "pass" but I want to do well. I could do stuff to help that like: not procrastinating, doing my class reading, and getting enough sleep every night. In that respect, it's my fault for the way I feel frequently. I put too much pressure on myself but don't do anything about it to fix the situation. A bit of a rut I suppose.

Anyway, so I go out and teach and hopefully succeed. Then, after that's settled in, I guess I'll finally start worrying about getting married. This is not to say I won't find someone between now and my graduation and be prepared for marriage, but I think my career needs to be situated before I can worry about that final commitment ... and yes, I do mean final. I do not believe in divorce and I know I will not do anything that will warrant a divorce. If she (whoever she is) wants to divorce me, it won't be my fault ... and it'll prove that she didn't really like me to begin with. Enough negativism there though, I don't plan on a divorce and I don't expect one.

OK, so if I don't have a "girl lined up" for marriage, I'll have to go hunt for one. I use the term hunt inappropriately but you all know what I mean. The workplace is a good place to look for such a person ... my current workplace excluded since I'm not actually allowed to date anyone (not saying I wouldn't date anyone from there). The education workplace will probably be a bit better for that if I'm still single at that point.

That brings up another idea though. I am going to try my hardest to not worry about having a girlfriend. I don't think I'm ugly so that isn't it, I like to think of myself as friendly, so that isn't it. What is it? Who knows ... probably my negativity. SO, as Mike mentioned, I'm going to ATTEMPT to rid myself of this and just move along with life. A girl can come to me unless I feel so compelled to go after one beforehand but I'm not worrying about it.

OK, so backup plans. Say teaching isn't for me. I graduate college and start teaching and just go, "you know, I don't like this as much as I expected." Then what? Do I just admit defeat and stay in the field? No. The last thing I want to do is dislike my job. Especially in a field like that, if I don't like my job, that affects others beside myself. I do not intend to ruin a kid's high school career because I fail as a teacher. I'll quit and move on. I have Regal I could always fall back on if I so wanted to. Note: this is not a preferred career choice but it is a choice I could make. I was thinking stand-up comedy. What do you think? Oh, that's right ... I'm not actually funny, you guys just laugh AT me. Now I remember. ;-)

So I guess that's the line-up. However, as my father's psychologist (I use the possessive term loosely) said, focus on things one day at a time. Don't look back or forward as that can cause unneeded stress in life. I have a deadline a month from now but I should only focus on what I can do about it today -- not what I can do about it a week from now or what I should have done about it a week before. Same goes with the girl situation, what can I do about it now? That is ... if I choose to do something about it on that particular day.

Then there are my friendships. I have a few. I could have more, I could have less. Overall, I'm satisfied with my current array. Some of my friendships I used to have but no longer have. What happened there? Well, in some cases I screwed them up, in other cases ... I screwed them up. I don't consider myself a very good friend ... at least as my record shows. I haven't screwed up all my friendships but I've screwed up a few that I have to question my ability to be a loyal friend. It's not easy for me to admit but as some will admit, I suck sometimes. It's a working process and a tough one since it's obvious that it is imbedded in me to one respect or another. I can be opinionated, I can be arrogant, I can be downright mean without even meaning to be (no pun intended ... but wait, was there even a pun?). I can think I'm always right, I can know I'm always right ... but whether I am or not doesn't seem to really matter to me at times. I can blame my father for it since it is from his side but he even pointed it out to me the one day ... as others have. He mentioned that I said something a moment prior and if it wasn't for him being my father, he would have probably been offended. I did not know I said it nor did I intend it to be that way but it was portrayed that way. SO ... sadly it's something I have to work on and I don't know if I can make a change or not. Hmm ... in that case, I guess I'll need to ask for your help. If you notice me say something that appears offensive even though I probably didn't mean it that way, be sure to point it out. Don't yell and be like, "hey butthole" or something derogatory, but point it out. I'll appreciate it in the end.

Alright, well I think I've laid out my entire life now and my current situation. What else could there POSSIBLY be to blog about, right? Well I have a test tomorrow morning. It's in my Bible as a Story/Literary Source class so I'm not overly concerned about it. I'll look over the questions again tomorrow and I should be good to go. "Should be" being the keywords. Welp, I'm going to head to bed because I need my sleep to be fully awake and less nasty. Everyone have a good night and don't hate me too much. Thanks.